Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M

Lilly was staring at us, her eyes shifting fromto her father. I see the questions in them. The curiosity concerningand Gabriel.

Like I said, this wasn't supposed to happen. I wasn't supposed to be attracted to Gabriel after all these years apart. I honestly thought that I'd with my attraction to him. That his treatment ofyears ago, had killed everything I had felt for him.

How wrong I was. Here I am, years later, almost kissing him. I feel terrible that I had allowed that one moment of weakness. That I'd allowed myself to be lured by the cravings of my body.

"Were you two about to kiss?" Lilly asks innocently, and I can't help the sharp inhale that I take.

My mind was a mess. I didn't know what to tell her. Should I just tell her the truth? Even so, it's not like I can lie when she literally caught us red-handed.

"Uhm-uhm-" I struggle to find the right words to tell her.

At the back of my mind, I was also worried. Liam is the only man Lilly has ever seenkiss. The only man, other than Gabriel who has been in my life. What if I say 'yes' and she takes it the wrong way? I know that Gabriel has been trying to build a relationship with her, but for more than five years, Liam has been her dad. I just don't want her thinking that I'm betraying the man who raised her, even though now I am married to her biological father.

"Yes" The answer to her question comes from Gabriel.

I turn and glare at him. What is he thinking admitting it to her like that? What is he thinking admitting it in the first place? Part ofwants to just ignore the whole thing. Pretend that that mistake didn't happen. I am embarrassed that Lilly caught us, but more importantly, I am embarrassed that, at that time, I'd wanted him to kiss me. Craved for him to seal our lips together. "Oh, okay... can I have breakfast?" she asks, sitting down on one of the bar stools at the kitchen counter.

I couldn't tell what she was thinking because her emotions were well hidden. I desperately wanted to know, but deep down I know I can't push her. Not now anyway, when she still hadn't forgivenfor lying about her dad.

"Will you serve her while you have yours?" I turn, and ask Gabriel.

I couldn't be here after what happened. I needed to get away and pull myself together.

"Sure" he answers.

With that answer, I quickly drop my mug in the sink, and leave the kitchen. I rush to the safety of my room, get in and lock the door behind me. Leaning against it before sliding down.

I feel like I've betrayed myself. That by almost allowing myself to be kissed by Gabriel, that I've done myself an unforgivable wrong. This is the sman that hurtover and over again years ago.

This is the man that brokeand shattered my heart into a million pieces. He did everything to destroy me. Everything to hurt me. He ruinedin the worst possible way. How then can I even for a second think of kissing him? Haven't I been burned by him before? Didn't I learn my lesson from what happened years ago? Getting involved with Gabriel will only lead to disaster. I can't risk getting hurt again, no matter how much it seems he has changed.

Getting up, I wipe the tears and head to my bathroom. I still had a few hours to get ready and to get my emotions in check. Taking off my clothes, I jump into the shower after setting it to the highest temperature. Maybe I can burn away the tingling I still felt after his hand made contact with my skin.

I'm not sure how long I was in the shower, when I finally got enough, turned it off and got out. Wrapping a towel around my body, I open the door and get out. I am surprised to find Lilly sitting on my bed.

"Lilly, is something wrong?" I ask, holding the towel tighter to my body.

can't remember the last tI had I conversation with my daughter now that she was angry withind rightly so, but every tshe gnored me, it drove a dagger deepe nto my heart. WShe would leave the room when I entered, completely ignorewher talked to her and pushaway every tI tried getting close to er. Let's just say it's been a hectic veek and I miss my daughter so ucking much. ¡w"Can we talk?" she whispers, the sadness in her voice breaking my already broken heart.

"Givea second to change" I answer, grabbing the clothes I had prepared before rushing to the bathroom.

A few minutes later, I cout dressed and sit next to her.

"I wanted to say, sorry" she says in a small voice. "I know I was angry, but I shouldn't have treated you the way I did when you're the best mom anyone could ask for." Blinking my eyes rapidly, I try to push back the tears that threatened to fall. I gently grab her hand and bring it to my lips.

"I want you to know that I didn't mean it when I said I hated you det was just angry, and it has takena while to realize you didn't lie tobecause you wanted to hurt me" "Lilly-" my voice is croaky when I say her name.

"No mom, I want to apologize, and I hope you can forgivefor being stubborn and disrespectful. Please don't hate me." Seeing her tears, I pull her on my lap even though she's older now and has outgrown it. I fold my arms around her and hug her close.

"I could never hate Lilly; do you hear me? Never" I soothe, in a shaky voice, trying my best to keep my emotions in check.

"I love you, Mom" "I love you too, baby girl" I whisper, feeling my throat clogging from my emotions.

We stay like that until we hear a knock on the door. She climbs down from my lap and crosses the room to open the door. Gabriel was standing on the other side.

Whatever I felt was just an attraction, nothing more. As long as I don't fall for him, then I am safe. I could deal with my attraction to him, but I couldn't deal with love.

"Are you two ready to go?" he asks, his eyes on me.

"Yes" Lilly answers for both of us.

"Good... Let's go then". With that he turns and disappears.

I stand up, pick my purse and cross the room to where Lilly was standing waiting for me.

I was about to get out when she grabs my hands and stops me.

She givesa cheeky smile right before she says, "Just so you know, I wouldn't mind having a little brother or sister." With that, she lets go of my hand and walks away, leavingrooted to the floor.

Privacy